CALORIES IN 1 CUP 1 MILK

Or like maybe if I don't put this out in the open somewhere, I'll never actually do anything about it.

Scales are not my friend. They have not been my friend for a very, very long time. I think I've been some degree of overweight for about... I don't know... Eight years? Ten? Who knows... I was certainly not really aware of it until probably middle school, at which case it bothered me but being the middle school kid that I was, I didn't think it was that big of a deal. The kind of thing that would resolve itself... Right?

High school was a different beast. When I took PE in freshman year, the last unit we did before summer was swimming. We were swimming 5 days a week for... I don't know, a month or so? I really don't remember. What I do remember was weighing 190 pounds and still not feeling that great about myself, aside from the shopping. Shopping was FUN. I was smaller than I really was used to so I could wear shorts and cute things that I look back at now with a wistful eye for obvious reasons.

The rest of highschool was a weird perpetual strle to like my own body. I'd go through several stints of dieting and trying to exercise more and whatever, but in the end it never really stuck and I went back to doing whatever I felt like... Which basically involved eating whatever I wanted and not moving too much because exercise was frustrating and stupid.

Up until fairly recently I've been feeling pretty okay about myself. I knew I was overweight and I knew it wasn't good but hey, I was comfortable most of the time, so why ruin that? But most recently, like within the last month or so, I've been more down on myself and my self esteem now is more or less through the floor. Don't get me wrong, I'll be bold enough to say that I am a pretty girl - Because that's one thing I actually do believe. But I also believe that I have some changes that I should make for a lot of different reasons. Clearly this is not a healthy weight by any means. Granted, being 5' 10" helps me some, because most people who know me don't think I weigh nearly this much. This is part of the problem. If they don't think I look like I weigh this much, why should I bother changing it, right? Right!?

Okay. Maybe not.

It's not like I have a lack of support... My mom and my fake-dad have always supported me when I tried to lose my extra pounds... They really do want the best for me. But I have to really, truly want it for myself if I'm ever going to accomplish anything... And I do. I really do want it. But I always get burnt out, or miss being able to eat whatever and not think so much about it, and I slip. And I slide. And all of a sudden anything resembling progress that I've made is down the drain and I'm back where I started... Or worse.

So I put up this photo in an effort to motivate myself more. I'm not really sure how it's gonna work out for me, but hey. Admitting you have a problem is the first step... RIght? Well... I guess technically getting on the scale was the first step...

Oh well.

What do I do next, though...?

Oh. Sorry about the ugly feet, by the way.

I'm going to lose it! Weight, that is! I'm starting a Labor Day to Christmas countdown.
I will turn 45 at the end of this month...and my body is rebelling against the extra poundage that I've put on! I will be setting small goals, writing down what I eat and making sure I get some exercise every day. I hate exercise so it will sometimes be disguised as housework (done the old fashioned way - with elbow grease). I don't really want to join a program or take a pill to help me...I think I should be able to use some good old-fashioned self control and accountability to get the job done. We'll see how it goes.
I thought that if I post my progress in a public place, it might help to motivate me to become a bit smaller. I ultimately have about 40 pounds to lose...it's doable...it's reasonable...it wouldn't leave me skinny, but I'd definitely be comfortable and slim. I long for comfortable and slim.
If you'd like to join me...please do! We'll encourage each other....and celebrate our progress together!

My 1st goal is to lose 11 pounds by my birthday...it's my first goal may be a bit lofty but if so I'll find out and aim a bit more realistically...but for now, that's the goal! Wish me luck!